THIS IS HOW I LOVE YOU
There will be days when I’ll only show it through the way I mess up your hair. I’ll steal your shirt (which still smells a lot like you) and parade it around to say I’m yours. Do you remember when I took your hand and spun you around and asked you to dance with me? Even if you stepped on my toes and we ended up just swaying side to side, I didn’t care. I just wanted to be wrapped in you.
There will be days when I won’t talk to you all day. Maybe I’ll send you a dumb joke, an odd pun, or a text from a book I’m reading, just to keep you a part of my day. Despite the distance, I want you to know even the most mundane parts of my days. Sometimes I won’t even do that much. I won’t want to show you how normal my days are going, when really all that’s on my mind is the thought of you and what you might be doing too. Maybe you’ll think I’ve forgotten about you. But most days I fall asleep listening to songs that I can’t hear without you on my mind. And I don’t think I could ever forget you.
There will be days when I’ll text you about seemingly tedious things. You’ll think I’m being busy; or maybe you’ll think I’m just making small conversation. But honestly, I just want to tell you even the smallest parts of my days. I just want you to know everything about my life, every opinion I have, even if it all seems as insignificant as how my friend cried over the latest Nicholas Sparks film or how I bruised my knee while walking outside my dormitory.
There will be days when I’ll write you letters. Because I’ll be feeling too much with no way to express it; I’ll go through the week wondering when to send it, if I’ll actually mail it, and whether or not you’ll like it. Some days I’ll wonder if maybe I should stop, maybe you don’t even read them. But I’ll continue anyways, in hope that you do.
And you. You probably go through days thinking I don’t love you. You probably feel like you’re annoying me every time you send me a message, or every time you call. But you don’t know that every day I keep my phone charged with me at 100%, waiting for that moment when I’ll finally hear your voice. You probably think you’re suffocating me. But you’re not, and you never do.
This is how I love you—like a bewildered mess who has no idea what she’s doing. Maybe there will come a time when the days that pass between our calls or messages will stretch out to months, maybe even years. I don’t know what the future holds. But right now, as I am sitting here reading stories of commitments and promises, I can’t think of a commitment I’d regret the least than to always have you in my life. Maybe one day you’ll meet someone else, and maybe I’ll meet someone else too. But you’re always going to mean something to me, and I hope you’ll feel the same way too.
That is how I love you.
histamine01 Happy 5th. :)